Sungailiat, March 27th 2015
It’s me.. Yime!
I’m feeling super blue now.. Dunno why.. but… you know.. the melancholic feeling is surrounding me. I feel super demotivated, galau, sad, missing so many people, empty, lonely, helpless..and anxious especially for my future..
What’s wrong with me…
Okay.. first,. I got bad dream, no, heck, it’s not dream tho.. Just kept thingking about ‘them’. Stupid me.. why? -..=
Second, when I woke up this morning, I tried to solve aljabar in TPA’s book..immediately. Weird eh? Because I know I’m not that smart.. I need more study but.. am too lazy.. My brain is old.. I mean.. I didn’t use it wisely for 6 months! For God’s sake! -___-
Third, I feel super helpless because nobody can teach me how to solve this math problem.. Heck.. I hate myself!
Fourth, I miss so many people.. I miss my friends in program (oh I had dream about them! I miss Tkiim and Ewis, a lot!), I miss him (who?? hahahaha), I miss Peer Oke (but they told me I forgot about them while I was in program, oh dear… The program was super crazy! Hectic! I even didn’t think about my family! Yeah.. Am bad daughter, bad sister, bad friend..).. Oh dang! I keep thinking… It could be because of program sick I feel these kind of super negative emotions????
Fifth, I feel.. my life is super flat now.. I need something… Oh! I’m broke too! I don’t have money so I can’t buy something I want! Surely, money can buy my happiness -_-
Sixth, demotivated with Rumah Cahaya.. It seems.. It’s going to be end.. People are super busy with their life. They have their own life, job, work.. while me..? I’m just hopeless jobless, single, alone, lonely.. My dad always asking about to get the job. My mom always talk about marriage.. meh.. my life is fun, eh?
And nooowww… I really want to cry.. but can’t! My tears don’t want to come out! WEIRD!!!
Somebody please heeelppp meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
It must be the effect of PROGRAM SICK! WHY??!!!
This program is ‘scary’… ouuuhhh……
Wanita itu sedang jahat
Karena dia murka
Dia meradang garang pada lelaki yang pernah dia cinta
Wanita itu mengutuk menyumpah menyerapah
Lalu dia berubah menjadi penyihir hitam
Yang memiliki taring di setiap seringai
Hatinya mengeras namun membara
Ya, dia sedang murka
Kisah bermula pada sebuah kenyataan yang tertutupi
Yang lelaki itu sebut sebagai sebuah kemunafikan
Tentang rasa percaya yang dikhianati
Tentang hancurnya sebuah hati dan emosi
Jiwa, harga diri
Sekarang wanita sedang jahat
Lelaki mengemis maaf
Wanita hanya diam
Lelaki pun menderita
Wanita merasa ‘bahagia’
“Jahat”, lirihnya sebelum menutup mata
And it will make you stronger
Never mind, I’ll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you, too
Sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead
-Someone Like You, Adele